Bullies Suck

October is National Anti-Bullying Month in America, so I figured that I’d share my opinions about the topic with all of you.

 

 

Aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or emotionally.

Before we get started, can we all agree on this as the definition of bullying?

Good.

Bullies suck. 

Yes, I was bullied as a child. It’s horrible. It’s demoralizing. It’s painful. It can literally ruin or end a person’s life. Luckily, bullying didn’t ruin my life, but it still had a significant impact.

Let me state the obvious here. I had a face only a mother could love when I was growing up. After looking at this picture, I wouldn’t fault you if you thought I had an after school job as a human can opener. Because of my appearance (and other things), I got bullied like crazy as a kid – and it came from all angles.

White kids bullied me by calling me a “Crowbar” because I was black and thin.

Black kids bullied me by saying I was “trying to be white” because I got good grades, wore preppy clothes, and didn’t get into trouble.

It wasn’t always racially motivated either. Sometimes I’d get my lunch money stolen, girls laughed behind my back due to how “ugly” I was, and kids would wait by my locker to empty my book bag all over the hallway floors.

Aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or emotionally.

I spent a lot of time in tears, I became depressed, I became angry, and it fueled me into becoming a lost soul prior to finally turning my life around. 

Let me make something perfectly clear: My parents are awesome and they did an amazing job of raising my two brothers and me. Unfortunately, their best efforts were thwarted due to the lack of support from anyone else (school administrators, other parents, our community, etc.) and that kept the bullying from stopping. 

Today I’m absolutely convinced that bullying can be stopped. It must be stopped. But it’s going to require an “All Hands On Deck” type of effort from all of us.

Before I lay out my plan of attack, let’s review the most common variations of bullying in our society.

 

Kids Bullying Other Kids: When you think of bullying, this is usually the first type that comes to mind. There’s no need to dive deeply into this since all of us have either been bullied, witnessed bullying, or were the bullies when we were younger.

Parents Bullying Kids: Many times it’s under the disguise of “tough-love,” but most people with functioning brain cells know better. These parents are the ones who call their kids stupid when they make simple mistakes, or they’ll call them fat if they ask for another serving of ice cream, or they’ll smack their kids across the face whenever they feel inclined to do so. To me, adults who would bully children (especially their own flesh and blood) are the ultimate cowards and are despicable on every level.

Bullying at Work: One of my favorite bloggers (and a damn handsome dude) wrote about that at length here, and there’s no way I could explain it better than he does.

Husband bullying wife: He’s the man (I used that term loosely) who yells or becomes violent with his wife when the house isn’t cleaned, dinner isn’t ready, or if she asks him to help out with the kids. If she’s a SAHM, he’ll remind her that he’s the one who does the “real” work while she’s just a lazy, TV-watching, Candy Crush-playing freeloader. Editor’s Note: We all know that SAHMs are some of the hardest working people on the planet, but there are some neanderthals out there who believe otherwise. 

Wife bullying husband: This shit happens. She’s the woman who has completely unrealistic expectations for her husband, is verbally/emotionally abusive, withholds affection (notice I said “affection” not sex) from him for no explainable reason, and is extremely condescending whenever he complains about her behavior (i.e. “Quit being such a wuss” or “It’s not a big deal.” or “Man up and stop being so sensitive.”) 

Cyber-bullying: I call them the Gigabyte Gangstas. We all know them. They could be kids harassing other kids through Facebook, or they could be adults trolling blogs and Facebook fan pages in an attempt to be mean and nasty towards people who post things that they disagree with. Luckily, I haven’t experienced this at all since I started blogging. Seriously, it’s never happened to me (“sarcasm font” is a wonderful thing). Unfortunately this epidemic is going to get a lot worse before it gets better because it’s so much easier to anonymously hide behind a keyboard and bully someone than it is to do it face to face. 

Adults bullying kids that are not theirs: It could be teachers, sports coaches, other parents, etc. For example, when I was 11 years old I went to a friend’s house to play with a bunch of other kids. The mother of my friend (it was a white family) couldn’t find her fancy watch. After a few minutes of searching, the lady singled me out and said, “I KNOW you stole my watch! I never should’ve let you into my house!” Of course I had no idea what she was talking about, but she made me empty all of my pockets in front of the entire group “just to be sure.” A few moments later, her husband entered the room and told her that he found the watch in their car. I cried during the whole incident and the only apology I received was, “I know that black people like to steal things. When I couldn’t find my watch, you were the obvious choice. I’m sorry I accused you.”

In case there are some of you who think that bullying doesn’t have a long-lasting impact, please note that this happened over 25 years ago and I still remember it as if it happened yesterday.

 

Aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or emotionally.

 

People usually fall into one of two categories when it comes to bullying:

1) They despise bullies, and will do whatever it takes to protect their children AND ensure bullying no longer exists.

2) They despise bullies, but believe bullying will never end, and their only responsibility is to teach their kids how to deal with it.

 

Just so you know, I’m firmly planted in Category #1. 

As far as the folks in Category #2 are concerned, I’m not feeling that shit at all. To me, it’s just like saying, “What’s the point of taking a shower? I know that I’m going to get dirty again, so I’m just going to teach the people around me how to deal with my funky-ass body odor.” Really?? Who says that? Anyone? It’s the same thing. No meaningful, positive change was ever achieved through this line of thinking. Yes, it’s very important to teach our children how to deal with bullies, but it’s equally important to prevent bullying from happening in the first place. Here’s my two cents on how to do it.

#1 – Proactively talk to your kids about it: It seems like a no-brainer, but I’ve seen that a lot of parents don’t talk about bullying with their children until they come home crying with a black eye or someone embarrassed them through social media. Educating children about bullies is arguably just as important as educating your children about sex and drugs. Be proactive, not reactive. 

#2 – Document everything: In a world where people are overly cynical, it’s always important to have proof to back up your claims. Did your boss threaten you at work? Keep every nasty email he’s ever sent to you. Did your husband punch you in the face because dinner wasn’t ready for him the second he came home? Take pictures of the bruising (after you’ve called the police and left the house for good, of course). Proof can be your best friend when trying to prevent bullying.

#3 – Don’t be ashamed: Being the victim of bullying can be embarrassing at times – especially if you’re an adult. You keep asking yourself, “Why am I not stronger?” or “Why did they choose to pick on me?” The bottom line is that there’s NOTHING wrong with you. Some people are just damaged individuals who get their jollies by seeing other people get upset. It’s OK to speak to people in power (parents, teachers, Human Resources, police, etc.) whenever this happens. It doesn’t make you a snitch or a punk to report bullies. It makes you a hero because it can prevent it from happening to someone else.

#4 – Take bullying seriously: There are undoubtedly a few of you reading this who believe that bullying isn’t a big deal and think it’s sickening how soft and politically-correct our society has become. Yeah, well that’s a steaming, open-faced bullshit submarine sandwich if you ask me. Bullying IS a big deal. It causes depression, ulcers, headaches, anxiety, insomnia, fear of going to work/school, and (in some cases) suicide. When someone has the courage to approach you to say he/she is being bullied, take that shit seriously and take action. It could literally be the difference between life and death.

#5 – Coach the behavior and do it quickly: Follow me here – when you see bullies acting like a bullies, don’t call them bullies. Instead, talk about the behavior and how it impacted you. So many times we want to react by saying, “You’re a/an ______ (insert bad name here),” when we really should be saying, “I really don’t like it when you do ____________ (insert bully behavior here), and here’s why.” Logically speaking, whenever you call someone a bad name, they’ll instantly become offended and you’ll get nowhere. Coaching the behavior will allow the individual to have a moment of self-reflection (hopefully) to discover the errors in his/her ways. Don’t wait until tomorrow or next week , either – you need to bring this up immediately with the bully. Doing so will let him or her know that you’re serious about stopping this nonsense right now.

#6 – Get the community involved: You can’t do this alone, because help is needed to end bullying once and for all. Create a group in your neighborhood that exposes bullies as soon as they engage in that behavior, lobby schools and workplaces to institute harsher punishments for bullying, create anti-bullying support groups, and solicit community leaders to ensure anti-bullying efforts are at the top of their meeting agendas. No matter what you do, make sure that you do something to raise awareness. 

#7 – Take your head out of your ass when it comes to your children: I’m sure a few of you have confronted a parent of a bully and he/she said, “Look, there is NO WAY little Johnny would do the things you’ve described. You’re a liar!” Memo to little Johnny’s parents: Do you really think that parents have nothing better to do with their time than to accuse of your kid of bullying? They’re doing it because they’re protecting their children. I know you probably think that you’re protecting your children as well, but you’re doing them a disservice if you’re turning a blind eye to their abusive behavior. Take this intel seriously and determine if your “little angel” is actually guilty of being a bully.

#8 – Never hit first, but always hit last: Yeah, I said it. There are times when you’re going to need to get your hands dirty and kick a bully’s ass if they’re dumb enough to put their hands on you. To be clear, this is a last resort – but since most bullies are cowards, they’ll turtle up when you make it clear that you’re willing and able to defend yourself when they become violent with you. I can promise you that I’ll enroll my girls in self-defense classes so they can defend themselves effectively in the event anyone is dumb enough to get violent with them.

 

Aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or emotionally.

I started the Daddy Doin’ Work blog because I’m a dad who loves being a dad. I created this post because I’m a dad who loves his daughters and fears for their future when it comes to bullies. Now that my readership is growing, I challenge all of you to take action in your communities to stop bullying.

Somewhere there’s a child thinking about committing suicide so she won’t have to deal with the mean girls who posted horrible comments about her on Facebook. Somewhere there’s a SAHM who fears getting yelled at by her husband if the house isn’t perfectly clean by the time he gets home. Somewhere there’s an employee driving slowly in his car to work because he dreads having to see his abusive boss. Somewhere there’s a mother raising a son with Down Syndrome whose heart breaks whenever bullies make fun of him and call him a “retard.” 

This person could be your kid, it could be your friend, or it could be you. I was the victim of bullying and I don’t want it to happen to you or your loved ones. 

This shit has to stop, and I know it can be stopped, but I need your help.

Aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or emotionally…and it will no longer be tolerated.

 

I’m up for the challenge to change this definition forever.

Are you?

 

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Comments

  1. says

    Bullies, whether they be of the miniature version or the adult version, are cowards. Their own self esteem is so low that they have to try to bring others down to their level. Thank you for this post and for calling out all those that have to belittle in order to attempt to make themselves feel better. You are amazing ;)
    You Know it Happens at Your House Too recently posted..A Letter to My YoungestMy Profile

  2. Candace says

    As a teacher, I KNOW bullying exists, but the hardest part for me is being able to catch a child in this behavior. Those who bully seem to know how to be cruel without catching the attention of an adult. I’ve taught lessons on bullying, and encourage my students to feel comfortable enough to come to me, but even that doesn’t always help. Too many times, though, a student gets told “quit tattling”, and that must be even more demoralizing to a child.

  3. Chrissy says

    I am in group one too! But, I think we all have to check ourselves, and OFTEN! I’m so glad you included ALL kinds of bullying, because we seem to live in a society that feeds off agressive behavior. There is some sort of glamour or victory in being able to “shout someone down” or “put people in their place.” We all need a little more grace, a little more mercy, and a LOT more kindness. When something embarassing happens to someone else, be the FIRST person to go and try to help them. If someone says something stupid, don’t feel you have to point it out. If it was a stupid/offensive comment, you can always kindly point out the offense without trying to embarass or belittle the other person. I just see so much unkindness continually, and I work daily myself on GRACE. I think we all need it! :)

  4. says

    As a mom of a special needs child, I have experienced this first hand. Sometimes from family. I have to constantly remind people that the r-word is not an acceptable insult or slang. We just found out that my son is ranked at a 79 on the iq scale which is borderline intellectually deficient. We have been fortunate enough to go to a wonderful elementary school and have a fantastic group of friends that have protected him since kindergarten. He is in 4th grade now and his friends are fiercely protective of him. They pounce on anyone who even looks at him the wrong way. I fear for the future though. I know kids are cruel in middle and high school. Thank you DDW for posting this awareness. If it can be stopped, it would make life so much easier for children.
    Susan recently posted..With great power comes great responsibilityMy Profile

  5. Spring says

    You know, the thing about being bullied is that it is very hard to get over. I was made fun of for the clothes I wore (we were very poor), for the way I looked and several other things. Now, I am 42 and I still have issues with self-esteem. I try very hard to not let it show. My son is on to me though. One day recently he said “You really don’t like yourself very much, do you?”. That made me cry. He’s right. I know that there are people who love me, and I know that there are people who like me. But I constantly question whether they still like me, or really like me, or if I may have done something to upset them. I am a people pleaser to the max, even though I try not to be. So, my point is, that the effects of bullying last for a long time and sometimes forever. I have taught my son to never, ever be a bully and to always stand up for those that he sees get bullied. I am very proud of him, b/c he has always done that. So, that’s it, just wanted to share…and btw, I think you were a very cute kid. I love your picture!

  6. says

    Well said, Twin! Bullies suck and the pain that it can leave behind for the victim often lasts for years, if not forever. We both were victims of bullying, and we’ve both overcome it–but there are millions who may not.

    Like you said, this shit has to stop. Today. Now. It’s up to us to do it.
    Shola recently posted..The 13 Coworkers You Never Want to Work WithMy Profile

  7. says

    well said! and I am up on my soapbox applauding!!!
    I think your picture is cute. But I relate all too well to what you spoke of in this story.
    I blogged about my experiences too: http://thesoapboxdiva.blogspot.com/2011/05/bullying-of-phoebe-prince-and-other.html

    I feel very strongly about this issue and I am regularly reminding my son, 9, that he needs to step up for kids who can’t step up for themselves. Such a growing problem in an increasingly unhappy world.

    Thanks for sharing!!!!!

  8. Julie says

    I so agree with this post. I too was bullied at school AND at home. So I couldn’t get away from it. No one believed me. I have been diagnosed with depression and panic/anxiety attacks. I was told that it stemmed from my childhood. As I look back, I was suffering from these since I was young. It is a daily struggle to not let my past make an appearance in my present and future. Thank you for this post!

    I am doing my best to teach my kids about bullying and to tell me if they are bullied. I want them to know that I am in their corner. But I am also telling them that it is not acceptable to bully anyone and they will have hefty consequences if they bully anyone!

  9. Lacy says

    My daughter is 5. The number one rule in her class is “Don’t hurt anyone on the inside or the outside.” She and I have talked about this and I’ve asked her, how can you hurt someone on the inside anyway? I know they have talked about it in class because she could tell me exactly what that means. I was pretty impressed.

  10. Jane says

    Well said Doyin. I have my daughter’s in Gracie’s jujitsu where they actively teach kids how to counteract bullying. Not only do I want my kids to be good people but I want them to have the confidence to know that should someone mess with them, that’ll be the last time they do it.

  11. Erika F says

    I just had my son (first baby for me!) on Sunday morning and I hope he doesn’t encounter any bullies once he gets older, but if he does, I’m definitely going to to take your advice to heart and stop that shit in its tracks. I was teased/bullied a lot in school for a variety of reasons and my husband was too (try being 13 with the initials BJ) and we’re both still affected by stuff that happened to us as a result. It wasn’t near as bad for me as it was for him and it is for kids now, but it still took me many, many years to actually see myself as I am and not how those shitwads treated me. Keep fighting the good fight DDW!!

  12. Christiana says

    Bullying is awful and needs to stopped when it is discovered, BUT….
    Just like in sports (and war) the best defense is a good offense. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean physically, but mentally. If we raise our kids to be strong and have high self-esteem, they will have a much better chance with bullies. Perfect example: I have a boy in my class that stutters ……..a lot. You’d think he would get teased, but he’s so funny and sure of himself, he’s actually quite popular. He even calls himself Stuttering Dan. I asked him why once and he said, “It’s just who I am.” And that, right there, is the key to it all. Know who you are, like who are, don’t be afraid to be who you are.

  13. Noelle says

    Dealing with my daughter being bullied today. Three jerky boys decided to announce that my beautiful 13 year old daughter is a whore and torment her the entire bus ride home. She was crying so hard once she got home that she couldn’t even speak. She’s been comforted and reassured that she did the right thing by calmly telling them “No, I’m not”, ignoring them till she was home and telling me what happened so I could take the steps needed to deal with it.

    The school was notified after I comforted my daughter and is dealing with it first thing in the morning. Thank goodness for her school having a strong anti-bullying stance.

    However, I’m still furious. There is a definite part of me that wants to punch these little punks in their faces. I won’t do it because I want to set a good example for my girl. (And, you know, jail time would suck.) She’s a good kid and doesn’t deserve this crap.

  14. Linda says

    This rings a big bell for me right now. A ‘friend,’ call him Bill, of my 9 year old son periodically decides to pick on him for being vegetarian (chanting ‘eat meat’ at him or commenting about ‘catching veggie disease”). Bill also incites other kids to join in. The most recent incident was an escalation to chasing my son around the lunch yard and throwing chicken nuggets at him. My son is actually amazingly resilient and doesn’t let it get to him too much. He has other friends and stil likes going to school. The school is aware and monitoring this. We addressed it directly with the Bill’s parents. Here is what they said over the course of two conversations:
    - this is nothing, wait until they get to middle school
    - kids need to take a joke and can’t be too sensitive
    - Bill is just doing what any 9 year old does
    - we perfer not to get involved and just let them work it out themselves
    - we don’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about this…or talking about it
    Well, alrighty then, no more talking to them about it. The more that I have thought about their reaction, the more angry and disappointed I am…but I suspect it also says a lot about why their kid is a bully.

    • Noelle says

      Sounds like Bill’s parents are refusing to admit they have a bully on their hands. I’m glad the school is monitoring it, but I’m sorry his parents treated your concerns so badly.

  15. Just Trying to Keep Up says

    Thank you for this post. As 1 of 5 Asians in my entire high school, I was misunderstood and bullied, even by some teachers. What made it worse was that no one ever taught me how to stand up for myself. One of my biggest struggles is to figure out how to teach my daughter to guard against bullies. We have begun to read and listen to the book “Don’t Laugh At Me” by Steve Seskin & Allen Shamblin. The words in this little book/song are simple but powerful and it’s started conversations about showing kindness and compassion to everyone, even if they’re different.

  16. Dawn says

    I was bullied as a kid, being tall for a girl, ginger hair and pasty I got called all sorts, even from the father of a friend. I was taller than him which he obviously found intimidating and called me a ‘ginner, binner, tall b***h’. Coming from a parent I was horrified, and all these years later it has stuck with me also. I talk to my son about bullying, and recently my heart nearly burst with pride when the school informed me my 6 year old had a merit card (their reward system) for helping stop a smaller child in a younger class from being bullied by someone older. My son ended up getting punched by the older kid, but he stood up for someone who needed it. Love my amazing boy.

  17. Jenn K says

    This hits home. A couple of days ago a neighbor in our complex thought our daughter was being too rough on our dog and yelled at her bad enough that my 9 year old came in sobbing. The dog had seen another dog and was reacting and my daughter was trying to turn her around and get her back to the apartment. When my husband went out, the lady started yelling and calling my daughter “mean” and “cruel” and a liar. When we stood behind our daughter, she started threatening to call the police on us. We made it pretty clear that if she saw a problem with our daughter, to come to us and we’d handle it, but not to even speak to our daughter again. Bullying needs to stop. Maybe if this woman had been dealt with in elementary school or jr high and taught how to respect others, she would know how to behave now. My daughter shook and cried for 1/2 hour over that woman’s behavior.

    I was bullied as a kid, but I can tell you it feels ten times worse when your kid goes though it.

  18. donna says

    I absolutely agree with everything you said. Bullies are the biggest cowards in the world, and the worst are the ones who pick on children, the disabled, the elderly or others who don’t have the ability to protect themselves. Something happened to me recently that has me very upset, at myself. I won’t tell the whole story, you all know what I am talking about. I was an a convenience store and there was a mother(?) berating her toddler for everything going wrong, including her not having enough money to buy treats for everyone. Because he cried, he didn’t get anything (BTW she got a soda, cigs and some beer for herself). As I went into the parking lot she was screaming at this baby that if he didn’t stop crying and embarrassing her, she was going to F******* leave him there in the parking lot. The thing is, I did nothing, fearing that anything I did or said would bounce back on the kid. This happened months ago and I am still ashamed of myself for letting that little guy down. Yes, I am a disabled senior citizen, but still I could have done something. What do you do in circumstances like this? I would really like to know.

  19. donna says

    Sorry, me again but you mentioned children getting cyber-bullied. I am seeing a new (to me) form of cyber-bullying aimed at grieving parents. My oldest son died several years ago and my daughter lost our unborn grandchild last year. We have both found wonderful support from closed, private, on-line grief groups, places where you can say exactly what you feel without the fear of someone saying somethings like,”don’t you have other children?”, or “God needed another angel”, etc. My daughter and I have both noticed, in our separate groups, people lying to get into these groups and then posting hurtful things. They get kicked out, but the damage is done. My question is why would someone even pretend to be a grieving parent to a dead child? This is not a club I ever wanted to belong to. Why are people just so cruel and mean. Sorry, thanks for listening.

  20. says

    A word of warning to parents of boys, they often don’t want to talk about it, and will not admit to being bullied. I couldn’t figure out why my sons decided to stop riding the bus, and preferred walking or riding their bikes, it was at least a year later when they admitted to being bullied on the bus. If I had found out about it, I would have intervened. Perhaps we were fortunate that they figured out how to handle it themselves, through avoidance, creating a good network of friends, and once by landing a good punch on the main school bully (I wouldn’t have condoned that, but it was witnessed by a teacher who was so tired of this bully that he turned his head when my son hit him).
    Unlike my mother, I never told my kids to just grow a thicker skin, but in the end, that’s what they did. In addition to that thicker skin, they also gained self confidence and compassion. I wish they’d never had to endure the pain and ridicule from those bullies, I know that the memories of it still hurt. I’m grateful that it never became worse, and feel confident that they’ll teach their kids compassion, tolerance, and self confidence.
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  21. says

    I help fight bullying as a member of Jaylen’s Challenge Foundation (www.jaylenschallenge.org). He is an amazing young man who started JCF because he was being tormented about his severe Tourettes and OCD. He may be young but he is my hero. I literally cried when I first got to meet him. He is sweet, brave and has a smile that will light up your day.

    Right now he’s also focusing on “bullycide”–kids who commit suicide as a result of bullying. We lost a beautiful young girl, only 12, in our community as a result of cyberbullying.

    Please check his organization out–he has cool wristbands too ;)
    TheCraftyAngel recently posted..SuicideMy Profile

  22. Pamela White says

    I think we all take it in the shorts in terms of how we a THINK we look at that middle school age. You were quite a good looking young man!! I got bullied terribly too and it is hard to describe the pain that sticks with you even years later. Thanks for your work!!

  23. says

    I’ll start by saying I love your blog. You had a tough ride and I can’t even imagine going through what you did as a child and some of the things you shared that were linked to your ethnicity. And I agree that bullying needs to be stopped.
    That said, I disagree with your definition of bullying. That story you shared about a friend’s mom accusing you of stealing? That’s not bullying. It was a humiliating experience and a terrible thing to do to a child, but one incident is not bullying. The definition of bullying is a series of acts of aggression in an imbalanced relationship (I wrote about it last year: http://galpod.wordpress.com/2012/10/10/on-bullying-and-why-definitions-matter/). While all acts of aggression are not productive and need to be stopped, when we define bullying as just aggression, we get stories like these: http://goo.gl/VkYbrl. And the problem with this is that if everything is bullying it takes away from the seriousness of actual bullying.
    Makes sense?
    Gal recently posted..More than WordsMy Profile

    • says

      I respectfully and completely disagree. An act of bullying doesn’t have to be “series of acts” in order to be defined as such. My definition is aggressive behavior intended to hurt another person, physically or emotionally. That woman (other than being a racist) was a bully. She wanted to use aggressive behavior to hurt me emotionally. She pulled that on me when I was 9 years old because she felt she could exert power over me (like most bullies did), but she would never try that shit on me now as a 6’2 215lbs man because she’s a coward who likes to pick on children. Jerks who yell and scream at servers at restaurants are bullies. People who curse out customer service reps over the phone are bullies. It doesn’t matter to me if they commit a series of acts or if they do it once. A bully is a bully.

      • says

        I know it sounds nit-picking (and it probably is, but I’m a scientist and that’s what I was trained to do), but technically all of those things are aggressive behaviours rather than bullying. I completely agree that all aggressive behaviours (bullying included) are not cool, and that as a society we need to fight to stop them. However, there is a profound difference between experiencing one act of aggression and repeated acts of aggression. There is also a profound difference between being aggressive one time and being repeatedly aggressive towards someone who has less power than you. It’s important to me to make it clear that I don’t think what you went through is ok, and I am not siding with the racist mom. But I do think that when we call yelling at the server “bullying” we are lumping together plain jerkiness with something that is much more dangerous and has a much more fundamental impact on the victim’s life.
        Gal recently posted..Parents and BulliesMy Profile

  24. says

    Thank you for sharing! As I read through your story, I think about stories my husband has told me. He thought he was not good looking when he was in school. Turns out, he was actually pretty good looking. He realized that later when people told him. You should realize that too! Your stories are very similar. He was also teased (even as an adult) for being “white” because he didn’t “act black” and was smart, got good grades, went to college, etc. But when he was in school, he did just what you said in #8. He did get in fights, but his mom always backed him up because the bullies started it. Most of the time, when the bullies knew he was going to fight back, they backed off. I think this is the problem now. My daughter (and other kids too) tries to fight back (even just verbally) and gets in just as much (if not more) trouble than the bully. I think one of the most important things is getting the schools involved. They really don’t seem to be in touch with how bullying works and what motivates bullying (at least in my school district). They need to learn something. We already decided we’re going to try to make it to the next PTA meeting. Maybe we can make our voice heard there.
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  25. Cynee says

    I wasn’t bullied until I was an adult and got with my daughters dad. I was a SAHM and he would always become very violent when dinner wasn’t ready when he came home or if I didn’t finish off the checklist he gave me before he left for work. And his mom would always tell me it was normal for men to be like that. But I agree with you 100% that bulling has to be stopped. I talk to my 3 year old daughter about it all the time because she seen her dad do it and thinks its ok. To make other people fill bad to get what you want.

  26. Antrinette says

    I also feel that bullying can be stopped it will take everybody not just the teachers the principle the counselor but everybody to join in and say STOP THE BULLYING. We as parents see the change in our kids but sometimes not intentionally we over look the signs die to everything else we may have going on in our lives. But we need to stop and slow down and make sure our babies know that we are there for them. I’m only speaking on experience and I’m basing my information on that. I look back and say to myself if only I paid more attention instead of worrying about a bill. I almost lost someone very dear to me because I was more focus on other things instead of them. A close friend of mine experienced the lost of her child because she was more focused on paying and making sure they had. But her 10 year old daughter went into her closet and decided to end her life by hanging herself so she wouldn’t have to go back to school. That day opened my eyes and every since then I have made sure that I paid close attention to my kids and their actions. I wish I could onto every school and speak to every child to let them know bullying is cute it’s not funny and it don’t make you look tough it actually makes you look weak. But I’m praying for every child out their that is being bullied please go and talk to someone there is someone who cares and can help.

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