I’m back! Whether you were counting the minutes until I returned, didn’t notice I was gone, or landed somewhere in between – I’m happy to come back from my self-imposed two week break from writing and social media. In case you were wondering, this is how I spent my time.
#1: I spent one child-free day to myself and I took a 3-hour nap. It was glorious. I’m pretty sure the last time I took a 3-hour nap we had a white president.
#2: I noticed what happened with Macy’s and I’m very pleased about the swift action that was taken. By now you know how I feel about changing tables in men’s restrooms, and hopefully other businesses will take note.
#3: My break started with one of my daughters getting the stomach flu, and a day later, the other one got an ear infection – so that was great. And by “great,” I mean the polar opposite of great.
#4: Christmas was epic as usual and Santa took good care of my family. I even received these amazing pajamas. Yes, it’s a head-to-toe adult onesie with a hood. Instead of wondering why I have one, you should ask yourself why you don’t have one.
#5: Best Christmas gift: Manga-Tiles. The kids love them, I love them, and they provide hours of endless fun and creativity.
#6: Worst Christmas gift: The “No! Pen.” If you’re unfamiliar with this horrific monstrosity, let me fill you in. The pen part is completely irrelevant. The thing that matters is there’s a button on the back of it that says “No!” in a dozen different ways whenever you press it. It’s loud and unbelievably annoying. However, when that “gift” is given to a two-year-old and a four-year-old, it instantly becomes the best thing ever to them.
So who gave my kids this wonderful present? My mom, of course. This is the same lady who thought it would be a good idea to give my kids harmonicas for gifts last year. EFFING HARMONICAS, people. She takes great joy in tormenting me due to all of the years I tormented her.
#7: Speaking of my mom – she finally joined Facebook after eight years of me trying to convince her to do so. I asked her to follow me, but she said, “Why would I do that?” Sigh…
#8: I took the kids to the LA Zoo for some quality time with the animals, and my daughters enjoyed some time petting the goats. That’s always a good time…
#9: It was a good time until I had to explain to my kids what the goats were up to when they decided to have a “good time” of their own. “Uh…they’re just wrestling, girls. Let’s just move on to something else, okay?”
#10: I made a quick appearance on the Today Show. You can move to the 2:22 mark to see me if you don’t want to sit through the whole thing.
#11: In my short time as a parent, I still haven’t made it until midnight on new year’s eve. So I rang in the new year by having my two-year-old come into my room at 4:00 AM to inform me that she pooped.
That’s really it. Just a normal two weeks in my life. Cheers to an amazing, fun, and prosperous new year to everyone. Here we go!