As Mommy Doin’ Work and I try like hell to get pregnant with baby #2 (no luck yet), it makes me count my blessings about life with my daughter and reflect on how our baby completely changed my perspective regarding little girls. Let me explain.
First, I’ll rewind a few years back. When MDW showed me the positive pregnancy test for our first baby in 2009, I blurted out, “Awesome! I just hope it’s a boy!”
Fail.
I figured that if I had a son I could teach him how to play basketball, throw a punch, and play in the dirt. With a girl, I’d be stuck playing dress up and other “girly shit.”
Epic fail.
After a few weeks of “I want a boy so badly” talk, our world came crashing down. If you’ve been following my blog closely, you’ll remember that our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I documented the whole story here, and it was pretty devastating for us. After months of grieving, I realized that the only thing I ever wanted was to be a dad – not just a dad to a little boy. I cursed myself for being so stupid and immature, and I prayed for redemption – which I fortunately achieved.
As the story goes, we got pregnant for a second time with little DDW in 2010, and there was no “I hope it’s a boy” nonsense. As a matter of fact, tears of joy streamed down my face when the doctor told us that we were having a little girl. Since January 2011, my baby has introduced me to a brand of love that I never knew existed. Additionally, I truly believe that having a girl has transformed me into a better and stronger man than I would’ve been without her. Here are some reasons why:
REVELATION #1: I realize that everything I could do with a boy I can do with my daughter (i.e. play basketball, teach her how to throw a punch, and play in the dirt). Yes, I know that’s a big fat “duh” for many of you, but I’m a recovering knucklehead with minimal relapses, so please humor me. And yes, I’m going to teach her more than those three things – but I promise you that I will teach her those three things.
REVELATION #2: Even though I was a fraternity boy in college, I cringed when men called women “bitches” or any other derogatory term. The only difference between then and now is that I never used to call out other men on it when they said these things in front of me. Now I have zero tolerance for it. For example, I’ll never forget a conversation I had with an ex-friend about eight months ago:
Ex-Friend: “Hey, did you check out that bitch’s ass? I’d bang the shit out of her!”
Me: “Dude, how old are you? Do you really have to talk like that? How would you feel if someone said that about your little sister?”
Ex-Friend: “Oh, I’d kill him…but she’s not my sister.”
Me: “Are you listening to yourself right now? She’s someone’s sister or daughter. Grow up.”
Ex-Friend: “When did you become a Women’s Rights activist?”
Me: “If by being a ‘Women’s Rights activist’ you mean ‘not being a dick,’ then yes – I’m a ‘Women’s Rights activist.’ And when did you become such a dick to not realize when you’re being a dick? Keep those thoughts to yourself, please.”
Ex-Friend: “Sorry.”
Me: “It’s cool, just don’t…”
Ex-Friend: “I would bang the shit out of her, though.”
Like I said earlier, we don’t talk anymore. With friends like that, who needs enemies?
REVELATION #3: I realize that I’m much more selective about the types of people I bring around my daughter. For example, there was an acquaintance of mine who spent a lot of her free time reading and completing complicated puzzles. Prior to little DDW arriving, we hardly talked; but after our daughter was born, we got to know each other much better – and discovered that she’s an awesome influence on my baby girl. Conversely, the ex-friend in the previous revelation who thought a fun Tuesday night consisted of playing a game of Edwards Fortyhands is no longer allowed within 100 yards of my kid.
REVELATION #4: I realize that having a daughter makes me smarter. I mentioned this before, but I had no idea what jeggings were prior to having a daughter. Now I buy them up for her as if the apocalypse is coming. I also learned about colors that I never knew existed, like Arylide Yellow, Amaranth, and Fuzzy Wuzzy. By the way, have any of you walked into a crowded store and asked the male clerk, “Hi, I’ve been looking for jeggings in Fuzzy Wuzzy EVERYWHERE! Do you have some here?” only to have him back away from you slowly as if you had a detonator to a nuclear bomb in your pocket? It’s just part of being a dad to a little girl. Or maybe it only happens to my crazy ass…who the hell knows? Well, I guess I know. Whatever, let’s move on.
REVELATION #5: I realize that being “girly” is just a myth. What does that mean, anyway? Would my kid be less girly if she dressed up as a construction worker for Halloween instead of Dora the Explorer? Would she be less girly if she wanted to play baseball with the boys instead of taking ballet classes? I’ve learned that being a girl can be whatever the hell a girl wants it to be, and I will never limit her. Additionally, I want to expose little DDW to other women who are crushing it in male-dominated fields so she’ll understand that she can excel in these fields too someday.
REVELATION #6: I realize that I’m built for raising a daughter in today’s society. And let’s be real – girls have to deal with a lot more shit than boys do. Pressure to be liked by others, pressure to have sex, body image, teen pregnancy, rape, etc. I’m sure I missed some, but I’m getting depressed listing them out. No matter if it’s always infusing my daughter with confidence or infusing my Louisville Slugger into the skulls of boys who think it’s cool to disrespect her – I’m up to handle any challenge. Editor’s Note: I’m kidding about the baseball bat thing…I guess.
Are there some things that suck about raising a girl? Absolutely. For example, I’ve come to the uncomfortable realization that I know more about what my toddler daughter’s vagina looks like than my wife’s. But overall, raising little DDW has been nothing short of awesome.
In closing, if we are lucky enough to have another baby, I would be tickled pink if it was a girl (shit, did I just type “tickled pink” out loud?). If God chooses that another baby isn’t in our future, I’m at peace with that as well. One thing I absolutely know for sure is that my daughter hits me with haymakers of love everyday, and I’m so happy that she’s here. Yes, I’m sure I’d be just as happy if I had a boy instead of a girl – but there’s something special about the bond between a dad and his daughter that cannot be explained.
Now if you’ll excuse me, Old Navy is having a half-price sale on jeggings.
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I love your writing. Keep on keepin’ it real. You are an awesome dad!
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Donna Schultz recently posted..This Is Why He Waits
Thanks Donna! I don’t know how awesome I am…but I love my kid so I guess that’s good for something
Thanks for the support!
Daddy Doyin recently posted..18 Months of Unsolicited Advice
Amazing list. I love how compassionate you are.
Thank you! It took me a while to become this way, but I’ll never go back
Daddy Doyin recently posted..Why Stay-At-Home Moms Are Tougher Than You
I read a lot of blogs. I mean, I read a TON of blogs. This is easily my favorite one, because…
- You’re funny
- You’re an excellent writer
- You’re compassionate
- You love your family
- You’re witty and smart
- You’re hot
Seriously, I cannot get enough of you and your blog! Oh, and I have three awesome daughters and you’re right – everything a boy can do, a girl can probably do better
You’re awesome, DDW!!!
Jodie, you must’ve stumbled upon the wrong blog – because I highly doubt you’re talking about me (except for the compassionate, love-my-family things).
All jokes aside, thank you for the kind words. I’m humbled by your praise and I’m speechless. Thank you
Daddy Doyin recently posted..The Dark DDW Rises…Early
Great post. My husband is a member of the Daughter’s Only Club (of which you are an honorary member should you have more girls) and it’s the best club to be in.
Thanks Jane! I’m just happy to be in the “Dad Club” – but raising a daughter is simply the best thing ever. If we’re lucky enough to have a second baby someday, he/she will have a tough act to follow
Daddy Doyin recently posted..Daddy Doin’ a TON of Work
Congrats on trying for baby #2. Keep up the great blogs.
Thanks Jennifer! Hopefully we’ll get lucky soon. Thanks again for your support!
Daddy Doyin recently posted..Introducing the New All-American Girl
I so want a boy. I was sure we had a boy. And we do, but we also have a girl, and I am TERRIFIED.. thanks for this. I’m gonna be way more scared of a girl than the boy. Boys are so easy! you are doing great. And the having respect for women thing, BRAVO.
katy recently posted..The Darkness I SHOULD NOT Feel LET ALONE Talk About
Thanks my friend! You’re going to have the opportunity to raise twins and that’s pretty damn awesome…but then again, you’re pretty damn awesome, so I guess it all evens out. Thanks for your amazing support!
Daddy Doyin recently posted..The Dark DDW Rises…Early
Being the dad of girls is definitely an awesome club to be in. You get to be the standard by which every other man in your daughter’s life is measured, which is no small honor. My husband was worried at first when we found out our twins were girls, but since they day they were born he has enjoyed being both a rockstar and king at our house.
And now he also know the difference between fuchsia and mauve, which was formerly out of his purview but is now necessary knowledge to possess!
Christina Allred recently posted..Nova Scotia
You’re right, Christina – it’s a huge responsibility to be a dad to a little girl. Props to your husband for raising twin girls! That is no small feat at all. Oh, and I now know the difference between fuchsia and mauve too
Daddy Doyin recently posted..Six Things I Suck At Now That I’m a Parent
I love this post for several reasons. First, I’m glad to see someone who is willing to speak up when people are talking ignorant about a woman…any woman. Second, I love that you have developed such an open mind about your daughter’s development. Let her be whomever she is…don’t limit her possibilities by telling her what girls are SUPPOSED to do and like. If she wants to play basketball, learn how to throw a punch or play in the dirt, it’s nice to see you will encourage her to. A confident, strong self esteem is what makes a real woman. And third, whatever sex your child is doesn’t matter. You have learned the hard way that the only important thing about having a child is that you love them and will commit yourself to doing your best to raise them to be the best human beings they can be.
Kudos to you for this terrific post. Keep writing.
Amen, Sheri! Very well said and I agree with everything – especially the part about raising them to be the best human beings they can be.
Thank you for your support!
Daddy Doyin recently posted..Introducing the New All-American Girl
Awesome!!!
I love your posts (even the ones I don’t comment on!). You are an awesome dad!
Gigi recently posted..Just Another Manic Monday…..or…..Meetings from hell + eyestrain + missing my "voice" = exhaustion.
Thanks Gigi! I think I’m pretty good, but there are so many dads out there who are just as good (or better). Thank you for the support!
Daddy Doyin recently posted..Daddy Doin’ a TON of Work
I’m the mother of three boys, so reverse the pronouns and you’d be telling my story. And I learned the same lesson, that you teach them to be smart and strong and respectful, and the rest falls into place.
Just wait til she goes through puberty. Then the really fun lessons begin!
Great post, DDW!
Lisha @ The Lucky Mom recently posted..Finding my lost perspective.
Lisha, surprisingly your story is my mom’s story. She had three boys and she desperately wanted a girl beforehand. It’s amazing how your perspective changes, huh? And no, I’m NOT looking forward to puberty (for my daughter, that is…not me)
Thanks for your support!
Daddy Doyin recently posted..Why Stay-At-Home Moms Are Tougher Than You
Boys are pretty cool too! But yea, you are totally a girl dad…just like I am totally a boy mom. LOL You are a great dad. Keep protecting your little girl and teaching her about all the things that you had hoped to teach your boy. She is going to be one badass little girl! You won’t need to carry your bat if she can punch the dude herself for getting out of line.
Cappuccino Queen recently posted..A letter to my baby boy
I agree with your list. My daughter is into sports and she’s not as girly as I thought she would be. The only bad part I’ve found out about having a girl (mine is 10 years old) is dealing with the emotional issues. She’s already had the, “this friend didn’t talk to me today, I think she’s mad at me” talk. I was ill prepared for all the emotional stuff floating through her head. Good luck with that!
Jeff Laws recently posted..All My Children
I am in love with your blog and this one in particular made me laugh pretty hard. in reference to know what certain body parts look like. hehehe you said vagina hehehe
I am about to be come a mum for the first time ever and my partner and I are pretty much in the same boat, as we don’t really know what we are doing. But its reassuring to know that we will make it, we will learn and we will grow.
I am definitely keeping up to date with your blog