Life can throw some pretty nasty haymakers at you. If you’re lucky, you can dodge a few of them. If you’re not so lucky, life will hit you square in the mouth and will stand over you yelling, “What?!” as you wipe the blood from your mouth and spit a few of your shattered chicklets on the concrete. That’s the position I find myself in now…dazed, confused, but not broken. Here’s why.
On the Daddy Doin’ Work Facebook page, I alluded to the fact that I’m in the middle of a really bad week. I know that many of you are just getting to know me, but you should understand that “a really bad” week doesn’t consist of stupid shit like having a rough day at work, or encountering knuckleheads at my gym while I’m working out, or dealing with little DDW’s attempts to become a female version of “Dennis the Menace.” It’s a little more serious.
Recently MDW and I found out the wonderful news that she was pregnant with baby #2. All of you know how hard we’ve tried for this and how much I love being a dad, so this news meant the world to me. I was excited, I danced, I “woo-hoo’ed” to anyone in earshot – life was good. Then it all came crashing down.
Late last week, MDW was experiencing some bleeding. Although I’m not an expert when it comes to pregnancies and how they effect a woman’s body, I know that it’s not abnormal to experience some spotting here and there. To be safe, she was given an ultrasound to see what was going on…and there was no trace of a baby. No fetus, no fetal sac, no nothing. The early diagnosis was a miscarriage.
We were devastated initially, but I told her that it’s not over yet. It could just be that it’s too early (six weeks) to see anything right now and we have to keep hope alive.
After a series of blood tests to determine MDW’s HCG levels, the doctor called us on Wednesday (yesterday) to inform us that she is still pregnant. I was excited, I danced, I “woo-hoo’ed” to anyone in earshot – life was good again. Then it all came crashing down. Again.
The doctor also informed us that due to the low Progesterone levels, all signs are pointing to an ectopic pregnancy – which means that not only would it serve as the end of this pregnancy, it could do some serious damage to MDW if not properly handled. On Thursday morning (today) at 8:30 AM we went to the doctor for one more ultrasound to determine what’s going on.
After the ultrasound we determined that it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy and the tiny fetus is in the uterus where it should be. I was excited, I danced, I “woo-hoo’ed” to anyone in earshot – life was good once again. Then it all came crashing down. Again.
Due to the low Progesterone levels, the doctor informed us that there’s a less than 10% chance the baby will survive through the pregnancy and “to prepare for the worst.”
That’s where I have a fundamental problem.
You see, I don’t prepare for the worst. That’s rookie shit. Do you know who prepares for the worst? Punks. And I ain’t no punk. I know that this kid is going to make it. I’m pushing every last emotional chip I have to the center of the table and I’m betting that this kid will survive. I know what some of you are thinking, “DDW, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment if you do that.” Do you remember Happy Point #8 from the Achieving Happy article? I love hard. Grandma Doin’ Work was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma back in 2008. I repeat, stage four lymphoma - which in many cases is a death sentence. I didn’t give a rat’s ass about so-called facts or statistics. The only thing I knew was that GDW would survive. That was the only option. Not for one millisecond did I “prepare for the worst” or think about what life would be without her around. Fast-forward to today and she’s cancer-free and Happy, and I’m not the least bit surprised by it.
I’m in tears as I type these words because I’m already so in love with a human being that is the size of the tip of a ballpoint pen. This kid will survive. That’s the only option. I’ve witnessed too many miracles in life that defy logic and explanation to think otherwise.
I’m sharing this deeply personal story for one reason. Over the past couple of weeks, I strayed away from my normal daddy topics and talked about Achieving Happy and finding your Why – and as most of you know, one of my keys to being happy is not being a punk. Now don’t get me wrong here – I’m not saying one shouldn’t cry or be upset when something like this happens, because I’ve done both. What I’m saying is that the true measure of a person isn’t how he or she acts during the good times – because any idiot can be a superstar when life is filled with sunshine and rainbows. It’s during times of adversity when you’ll find out the true character of a human being.
My Why in life is to add value and positively impact the lives of as many people as possible. In searching for the silver lining in this crazy situation, I think that maybe it’s the Universe’s way of showing all of you that I put my money where my mouth is. What type of a man would I be if I didn’t practice what I preached? I’d be a complete fraud and I’d expect you to unsubscribe from my RSS feed and unlike my Facebook page instantly – because I’d be just another Internet punchline. Achieving Happy is a decision. In good times and in bad times I’m choosing to be Happy, I’m choosing to never lose hope, and I’m choosing to believe that my baby will survive – and I will never waiver. Ever.
In life, I’ve learned that everyone falls into one of two categories: Talkers and Doers.
Talkers talk. That’s pretty much all they do. Many of them are great with words, they’re charming, and can be quite convincing. But when someone calls them out on the fact that their words aren’t congruent with their actions or life sucker punches them in the grill – they’ll turn tail and run for the hills like little punks.
Doers do. They may enjoy talking as well, but they always back up every word with congruent actions. They are as genuine and as real as they come. When life sucker punches them in the mouth, they dust themselves off, smile, and say, “Is that all you’ve got?” I’ve gotten hit in the face three times in the past week. My baby has “died” twice and is on “life support with a less than 10% chance of survival” now, but I’m still staying Happy. Why? Because MDW needs me to be Happy, little DDW needs me to be Happy, my friends and family need me to be Happy, I need to stay Happy for all of my RDWs, and most importantly – I need to stay Happy for FDW (Fetus Doin’ Work), because his/her life depends on it.
Always DO. I’m a Daddy Doin’ Work, not a Daddy Talkin’ Work. Choose to DO shit, not talk shit. No matter what’s going on in your life, choose to be Happy and never lose hope.
So if you wanted to know what I’ve been dealing with for the past week or so, now you know. All prayers and happy thoughts are welcomed as the Family Doin’ Work embarks on the road ahead.
As always, we’ll get through this obstacle just like we get through everything else. Together.
UPDATE: Unfortunately we lost the Fetus Doin’ Work in September 2012. We’re beaten, but not broken. We’ll never give up. Never.