Sucker Punched

Life can throw some pretty nasty haymakers at you. If you’re lucky, you can dodge a few of them. If you’re not so lucky, life will hit you square in the mouth and will stand over you yelling, “What?!” as you wipe the blood from your mouth and spit a few of your shattered chicklets on the concrete. That’s the position I find myself in now…dazed, confused, but not broken. Here’s why. 

 

 

 

On the Daddy Doin’ Work Facebook page, I alluded to the fact that I’m in the middle of a really bad week. I know that many of you are just getting to know me, but you should understand that “a really bad” week doesn’t consist of stupid shit like having a rough day at work, or encountering knuckleheads at my gym while I’m working out, or dealing with little DDW’s attempts to become a female version of “Dennis the Menace.” It’s a little more serious.

Recently MDW and I found out the wonderful news that she was pregnant with baby #2. All of you know how hard we’ve tried for this and how much I love being a dad, so this news meant the world to me. I was excited, I danced, I “woo-hoo’ed” to anyone in earshot – life was good. Then it all came crashing down.

Late last week, MDW was experiencing some bleeding. Although I’m not an expert when it comes to pregnancies and how they effect a woman’s body, I know that it’s not abnormal to experience some spotting here and there. To be safe, she was given an ultrasound to see what was going on…and there was no trace of a baby. No fetus, no fetal sac, no nothing. The early diagnosis was a miscarriage.

We were devastated initially, but I told her that it’s not over yet. It could just be that it’s too early (six weeks) to see anything right now and we have to keep hope alive. 

After a series of blood tests to determine MDW’s HCG levels, the doctor called us on Wednesday (yesterday) to inform us that she is still pregnant. I was excited, I danced, I “woo-hoo’ed” to anyone in earshot – life was good again. Then it all came crashing down. Again.

The doctor also informed us that due to the low Progesterone levels, all signs are pointing to an ectopic pregnancy – which means that not only would it serve as the end of this pregnancy, it could do some serious damage to MDW if not properly handled. On Thursday morning (today) at 8:30 AM we went to the doctor for one more ultrasound to determine what’s going on.

After the ultrasound we determined that it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy and the tiny fetus is in the uterus where it should be. I was excited, I danced, I “woo-hoo’ed” to anyone in earshot – life was good once again. Then it all came crashing down. Again.

Due to the low Progesterone levels, the doctor informed us that there’s a less than 10% chance the baby will survive through the pregnancy and “to prepare for the worst.”

That’s where I have a fundamental problem.

You see, I don’t prepare for the worst. That’s rookie shit. Do you know who prepares for the worst? Punks. And I ain’t no punk. I know that this kid is going to make it.  I’m pushing every last emotional chip I have to the center of the table and I’m betting that this kid will survive. I know what some of you are thinking, “DDW, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment if you do that.” Do you remember Happy Point #8 from the Achieving Happy article? I love hard. Grandma Doin’ Work was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma back in 2008. I repeat, stage four lymphoma – which in many cases is a death sentence. I didn’t give a rat’s ass about so-called facts or statistics. The only thing I knew was that GDW would survive. That was the only option. Not for one millisecond did I “prepare for the worst” or think about what life would be without her around. Fast-forward to today and she’s cancer-free and Happy, and I’m not the least bit surprised by it.

I’m in tears as I type these words because I’m already so in love with a human being that is the size of the tip of a ballpoint pen. This kid will survive. That’s the only option. I’ve witnessed too many miracles in life that defy logic and explanation to think otherwise.

 

I’m sharing this deeply personal story for one reason. Over the past couple of weeks, I strayed away from my normal daddy topics and talked about Achieving Happy and finding your Why – and as most of you know, one of my keys to being happy is not being a punk. Now don’t get me wrong here – I’m not saying one shouldn’t cry or be upset when something like this happens, because I’ve done both. What I’m saying is that the true measure of a person isn’t how he or she acts during the good times – because any idiot can be a superstar when life is filled with sunshine and rainbows. It’s during times of adversity when you’ll find out the true character of a human being.

My Why in life is to add value and positively impact the lives of as many people as possible. In searching for the silver lining in this crazy situation, I think that maybe it’s the Universe’s way of showing all of you that I put my money where my mouth is. What type of a man would I be if I didn’t practice what I preached? I’d be a complete fraud and I’d expect you to unsubscribe from my RSS feed and unlike my Facebook page instantly – because I’d be just another Internet punchline. Achieving Happy is a decision. In good times and in bad times I’m choosing to be Happy, I’m choosing to never lose hope, and I’m choosing to believe that my baby will survive – and I will never waiver. Ever.

In life, I’ve learned that everyone falls into one of two categories: Talkers and Doers.

Talkers talk. That’s pretty much all they do. Many of them are great with words, they’re charming, and can be quite convincing. But when someone calls them out on the fact that their words aren’t congruent with their actions or life sucker punches them in the grill – they’ll turn tail and run for the hills like little punks.

Doers do. They may enjoy talking as well, but they always back up every word with congruent actions. They are as genuine and as real as they come. When life sucker punches them in the mouth, they dust themselves off, smile, and say, “Is that all you’ve got?” I’ve gotten hit in the face three times in the past week. My baby has “died” twice and is on “life support with a less than 10% chance of survival” now, but I’m still staying Happy. Why? Because MDW needs me to be Happy, little DDW needs me to be Happy, my friends and family need me to be Happy, I need to stay Happy for all of my RDWs, and most importantly – I need to stay Happy for FDW (Fetus Doin’ Work), because his/her life depends on it.

Always DO. I’m a Daddy Doin’ Work, not a Daddy Talkin’ Work. Choose to DO shit, not talk shit. No matter what’s going on in your life, choose to be Happy and never lose hope.

So if you wanted to know what I’ve been dealing with for the past week or so, now you know. All prayers and happy thoughts are welcomed as the Family Doin’ Work embarks on the road ahead.

As always, we’ll get through this obstacle just like we get through everything else. Together.

 

UPDATE: Unfortunately we lost the Fetus Doin’ Work in September 2012. We’re beaten, but not broken. We’ll never give up. Never.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. says

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do your research on (excuse me) VAGINAL PROGESTERONE Suppositories!!! This is exactly what happened with my son’s pregnancy. I had to go to a compounding pharmacy and get the medication and used it for 15 weeks (daily). I was spotting, had low progesterone and kept having U/S. I found a support board w/ women who had experienced the same (I did spot as a result of the progesterone).

    My OB knew practically NOTHING about progesterone supplimentation. Please do not hesitate to email me if I can help you with any information. I’m not a professional–just a mom who has btdt.

    My heart and prayers go out to you and MDW. *tender hugs*
    Headacheslayer recently posted..Did you know?My Profile

  2. says

    Thanks for sharing your story. I so appreciate your willingness to put yourself out there. Hugs and prayers for you and MDW.

  3. Sheri Turner says

    Just letting you know I loved your post. I lost my first child to a heart problem and now have 3 beautiful children. I chose to DO. Just know that sometimes it might be hard to keep DOING. Let people (like your wife) know when you need encouragement too. It’s not being a punk to let others know when you are feeling down. It’s BEING human.

    We’ll be throwing some good mojo your way.

  4. Andy says

    I think you will discover that more folks that you would think have been through these same situations, and while I won’t say that you will ever find it easier to endure the “worst” result, you will find it more tolerable over the years.

    Here’s what I posted for our friends on the anniversary of that miscarriage.

    It was three years ago today that we lost our second child `in utero`, and each year it does not become easier to think of the situation; but, it does become more tolerable, especially with two beautiful and healthy children born to us in the ensuing years.

    That year, Fathers’ Day 2009, was special because we had our first positive pregnancy test and it was all THE WIFE could do not to spill the beans in joyousness, before our dinner out with my parents, to let me know in the Fathers’ day card she’d gotten me.

    Three weeks later, while traveling for Vacation in DC, we lost Jean Lee….

    “Be mindful of our brother and sisters
    who have fallen asleep in the peace of Christ,
    and all the dead whose faith only you can know.
    Lead them to the fullness of the resurrection
    and gladden them with the light of your face.”

  5. Jennifer says

    Thought and prayers going your way. Thanks for the candidness about what’s going on with your family.

  6. says

    DDW, my heart & prayers are with you. It’s been a rough few weeks for us too, as I’ve had multiple heart surgeries which has taken its toll on my DDW and son (almost 17 months). You conviction and faith have inspired me – I have to find that same conviction in my ability to get better.

    Can’t wait to hear about the new little one!!!
    Nicole recently posted..Hospital FoodMy Profile

  7. Susan Chappelear says

    You are amazing! Every day you are amazing. I want to say thank you. You have inspired me to try and move out of the punk phase of my life. I’m not sure yet how to do it, but I know thats where I am, and that I want to change that. Little steps right? Prayers and good thoughts going out to you and your family. Much love.

  8. Trish says

    I went through the same thing although we did not have to try very hard for the pregnancy. My motto early on was “this is the only time I will be pregnant with THIS baby so I am going to enjoy it” I continued with that mantra the entire pregnancy and had a great pregnancy. My son just turned 10 months old 2 weeks ago and we plan on trying for #2 very soon and have butterflies in my stomach thinking about all the what ifs. I am praying for little FDW and know that s/he will be just fine.

  9. Shirlene says

    There are supplements that you can get from the doctor to help with her levels. I had a friend who had the same exact thing happen to her & she did what “Headacheslayer” said & her baby girl is now 4 years old. You are right, FDW will be born into your beautiful, wonderful family & he/she will Achieve Happy too! I will send all my prayers & positive energy your way. Thank you for sharing your trying week with us. I am the same way you are. If I would of prepared for the worst when my husband was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer when our daughter was 10 months old, it would of been me giving up. At the time we had no health insurance & had to figure out how to treat the cancer. I was a DOER, so I found a way to have his boy removed. And now here we are, 8 years later & he is still rockin’ the one ball & cancer free. Keep your Happy going! Love you!

  10. says

    You and your whole family are in my thoughts and prayers! Love your choice to be positive and full of hope. God is a miracle workin’ God and nothing is impossible for Him.!
    Donna Schultz recently posted..All I NeedMy Profile

  11. says

    I can’t imagine how upsetting this must be and I commend you for your positive spirit. I have had 2 miss-carriages and when I was pregnant with my last at 22 weeks the Doctor told us he was dead. I had the other kids in the room with me so I smiled calmly trying not to alarm them but inside I almost fainted. 3 hours later it was a false alarm thank god. I wish you the best and will pray for you and your family. I think you are right to always try and be strong and happy
    Happy Little Feet recently posted..A Bathroom Disaster and DIY disinfectant cleaning sprayMy Profile

  12. says

    You are getting all my positive baby mojo my friend. You inspire me to stay positive and to keep my chin up when my day goes awry. I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster you and MDW are on, and can only hope that the thoughts of all these positive vibes and these virtual hugs are only helping little FDW to grow and be strong. Much love to you and your family my friend.

  13. says

    My beautiful sister in law had this EXACT scenario. She bled for weeks and went through the VERY same rollar coaster of baby…no baby….Her son is now a healthy and bright 3 1/2 year old. NEVER give up hope. -Love and prayers from PHX

  14. says

    Staying positive is the best thing you can do in a situation like this. I see no reason to “prepare for the worst” until the worst happens, because if you spend so much time “preparing for the worst” you miss out on all of the best stuff that is happening around you. Keep your head up and stay positive, but don’t be afraid to ask for help from those closest to you if you need it. Even the strong have a right to be weak from time to time :)
    Rochelle Callahan recently posted..The Elephant in the Room: Suicide (Part 1 of 8)My Profile

  15. Granny says

    DDW, keep your HAPPY going, you’ve for your WHYs in place….. All of your little Working family is in my prayers.

  16. tara says

    you know i’m a believer….i send the four of you, white light, rainbows and magical unicorns.

  17. Dave says

    My wife lost a baby after the doctor took her off of progesterone when the books say to. For the next pregnancy she found a doctor who would keep prescribing it throughout the pregnancy. She is still taking it five years after our son was born because her body doesn’t produce enough on its own. She only takes bio-identical, compounded progesterone. Besides having a very healthy baby (now a very smart 5yo) she’s had a lot fewer heart problems that seemed unexplainable before.

  18. Valerie says

    I pray that God grants you the desires of your heart because you give so much of yourself. I also pray that you and MDW will achieve not only Happy through this process, but Peace.

  19. Tracy says

    I, too, had dangerously low progesterone when pregnant with my daughter. I had previously miscarried my first pregnancy due to low progesterone, but did no known about the low progesterone until the miscarriage was in progress, as the miscarriage was very early on. My second pregnancy was successful, with normal progesterone levels. My third nearly resulted in miscarriage, but my doctor kept me stocked with progesterone. My daughter from that pregnancy started high school last week. :) Keep it up, FDW. My fetus did it! You can too, little peanut! :)

  20. Allison says

    We went through the same thing back in 2002 while I was pregnant with our second child. Unfortunately, I lost her. My husband was deployed to Afghanistan that year and I nearly lost my mind. We got pregnant again when he came home and I had to take progesterone supplements again but this time, I took them for 6 months instad of 3. I am happy to report that our son (Who they couldn’t find during the first ultrasound.) is now a happy healthy 8 year old boy. Keep your head up. We are praying for you!

  21. Michelle Argumedo says

    Best I luck and happiness to you and MDw. Your story sounds oh so familiar. I too was in the ER 8 years ago for pain and was told congrats pregnant. Then told can’t find it. Rushed to surgery for
    Eptopic pregnancy. Woke from surgery an was told by nurse I was no longer pregnant. No wrong!! . Pregnancy not eptopic but rather the cyst that provides nutrients and hormones had ruptured. The surgery had cleaned it all up but it was unknown the outcome of the anesthesia, trauma and surgery would have on
    Fetus. 7 days later after continuous monitoring determined baby still there and thriving. I am proud
    To say he is now a wonderful little 7 year old. Did need artificial nutrients due to “Feed” baby the first 12 weeks. Keep us posted and good for you!

  22. says

    Wow. Consider your work done: you just DID the work of adding value and making a positive difference in a life. I’m inspired by your courage, and wish you and the WFDW (Whole Family Doin’ Work) all the best.
    Jessica recently posted..Let’s Play 5 QuestionsMy Profile

  23. Heidi says

    I had the same issue with VERY low progesteorne and my dr had me do the progesterone suppositories and I have had 3 kids. My friend had the same issue, had 5 miscarriages before her dr agreed to do the progestone suppositories and carried 2 kids to successful birth after that. If your dr won’t do them, find another. You are a doer… not a wait and seer. It is worth a try!

  24. Mama Jane says

    no words. just know you have a praying grandma of 7-2/3 grandbabies, praying for you in dallas.

  25. trillian42 says

    Love and good thoughts for you, MDW, DDW and FDW for a healthy pregnancy. I’m right with you on the not wanting to prepare for the worst. I see no reason to borrow trouble – why worry about “what if” until you know what’s going on. Until then, be firm that things are going well and will continue to do so.

    (I’m one of the crazy knitters from Ravelry)

  26. kk says

    Many, many, many hugs, loves, prayers are coming at you and your family. You inspire me every time I read your posts. I know FDW is going to turn out just a-okay too. Love and hugs.

  27. says

    praying for all four of you :) we had the same experience twice, and were determined to choose life, not defeat … our little fdw is almost here, and every time she moves she reminds me she is so vividly alive.
    life is beautiful. God bless you.
    janelle recently posted..a grocery store storyMy Profile

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