Yes, we’re going through the Terrible Twos stage with Little DDW right now, but the pros far outweigh the cons overall. In my limited daddy experience, here’s a list of some (but definitely not all) of the things I love about raising a toddler.
1) I know all of the Disney Princesses and the villains in their movies. Yes, I’m absolutely convinced that every dad with a daughter needs to know this information.
2) Running around in circles at the park is the most fun thing ever for them.
3) I know that I do a better job getting my kid dressed than Dora The Explorer’s parents do for their kid. A shirt that’s two sizes too small and orange shorts? Seriously, if I sent my kid to daycare dressed like that, I’d be arrested before her morning nap.
4) No matter how unpleasant the food is, if my daughter sees me eating it, she’ll want some too. “Mmmm! This steamed brocoli is yummy! You want some too, kiddo?” I’m also convinced that it’s the only way either of us are able to eat healthy foods.
5) This (see picture to the right).
6) Two-year old tantrums are actually more hilarious than they are annoying.
7) Watching the “WTF??” look on your toddler’s face when you walk out of a room and your identical twin brother walks in from another room. Those of you who are around identical twins know exactly the look I’m talking about.
8) Toddler language. Listening to your kid enthusiastically say, “Daddy!! Asdfad aereoasdasf oertgad feafvad ffeafad weeeeee!! That’s fuh-nee!” as if it was the most important piece of news ever and she wanted YOU to be the first one to hear it. That’s priceless.
9) Her clothes. Even to this day, I’m in complete awe of the amount of cute clothes you can put a little girl in: jeggings, dresses, skirts, tutus, etc. The list is literally endless.
10) Having my kid watch Yo Gabba Gabba and have her call DJ Lance Rock “Daddy.” To clarify, it’s not a good thing that she called this dude “Daddy.” However, it is a good thing that I will forbid her from watching that show because of it.
11) After a long workout, my daughter is the only person willing to be within five feet of me. I guess she loves the “aroma of fitness.” MDW likes to call it the “aroma of testicle sweat, festering ass, and toe-jam,” but what the hell does she know?
12) I know that coloring inside of the lines is ridiculously overrated. Coloring on paper and not the walls takes true talent.
13) When I’m watching sports, I find myself saying, “The coach needs to put the team in Time Out” instead of “The coach needs to call a Time Out.” When I think about it, the first version actually makes more sense.
14) I’m one of those people who has a pretty dirty mouth, but I refuse to swear around any child (yours or mine). Because of that, I find myself saying things around adults like, “Wow! My team is playing like Sugar Honey Iced Tea right now.”
15) My daughter is a hell of lot more excited about me teaching her how to properly execute a fist bump than me teaching her anything about numbers and reading.
16) I’m amazed by the amount of things that I can do on little or no sleep.
17) She says things like, “Daddy! You so BLACK!” Yes, my daughter actually said that to me when I woke her up on Monday morning.
18) They are the best reasons for leaving lame social events early (“Sorry, gotta run…it’s the baby’s nap time.”) Oftentimes they are also the reasons why we can’t attend the really cool social events, so I guess we’ll call this one even.
19) They’re such quick learners. Since I’m married to a half-Japanese woman who loves all types of Asian cuisine, I’ve been exposed to chopsticks for years; however, I’m terrible at using them. As you can see here, my two-year old daughter has no issues using them properly. I really need to step my game up or else she’ll be taking over my blog by the time she’s in Kindergarten.
20) I can make up all types of creative nicknames for her (Love Bug, Captain Cuteface, Angel Sauce, Toddler Tornado, etc.)
21) Whenever I hear my childless friends talk about “skills in the bedroom,” the first thing I think of is that I have the amazing ability to change my daughter’s poopy diaper in the dark.
22) It takes ridiculously little effort to make my daughter laugh, and seeing her smile is absolutely the highlight of my day.
23) Before marriage and becoming a dad, my motivation to workout at the gym was to look good for the ladies. Now my motivation to workout is to be alive to see my daughter graduate college, get married, and have her own kids.
24) Whenever I feel the need to complain about my kid, I think about how lucky I am to have a healthy, happy, beautiful daughter. I have some close friends who are desperately trying to have children (with no luck), and I feel like I would be disrespecting them by whining about the fact that my daughter didn’t take a nap in the afternoon.
25) I’ll have the opportunity to do this all over again with another baby girl shortly, and I feel like the luckiest guy in the world because of it.
Come to think of it, being a dad is the best thing about raising a toddler.
Best. Gig. Ever.