Valentine’s Day is in a couple of days from now and I have some opinions about this holiday that I want to share with you.
Before I get started on what I currently think of Valentine’s Day, let me provide some background on how I used to view the day when I was younger (before I got married and became a dad):
Valentine’s Day for Single Women: From what I observed, Valentine’s Day was by far the worst day of the year for them. I remember going to work and all of the girls in relationships would receive flowers, chocolate, gifts, etc. from their boyfriends and husbands. Meanwhile, some (but not all) of the single women would spend the day rotating between being in tears and cyber-stalking their exes on MySpace (remember that?) or Facebook.
Valentine’s Day for Women in Relationships: Valentine’s Day was a great day for these ladies…as long as their significant others came correct with the gifts. If their girlfriends received flowers or jewelry, while they received a Weight Watchers membership, it would quickly escalate into the worst day ever for them. It became a competition for who had the best and most thoughtful man, instead of day of celebrating love.
Valentine’s Day for Men in Relationships: I’m sure these men exist, but I’ve never met a dude who says he loves Valentine’s Day. He may tolerate it, he may even like it, but the day I come across a guy who says, “OMG! I can’t wait for Valentine’s Day!! It’s the best day EVERRRRRRRR!” will be the day that I change my nickname from Daddy Doin’ Work to the “Funky Fatherhood Brotha.” Most of the guys I came across when I was younger hated Valentine’s Day because it meant spending money on a lavish gift while knowing that he’ll have to outdo his other male friends in relationships. Again, it became a silly and pointless competition.
Valentine’s Day for Single Men: These guys were the exception to the rule. Back in the day, I remember my single male friends would go to bars and hit on the drunk single ladies in hopes that they’d score some digits. They’d always tell me that other than Super Bowl Sunday, “Single’s Night” on Valentine’s Day is their favorite day of the year (for all of the wrong reasons).
Now that I’m an older, wiser, married man who’s doing my best to be a good, involved dad - my views on Valentine’s Day have changed…slightly.
I still think it’s the lamest holiday on the calendar by a long shot. Having corporations shame people into spending money on gifts and cheesy cards to show someone you already love that you love them just seems ridiculous to me. Whenever I see a Kay Jewelers commercial with its “Every Kiss Begins With Kay” slogan, I start to chuckle. I can’t speak for all men, but every kiss in my household usually starts with me taking out the trash, changing a poopy diaper, or by being a helpful dad or husband.
Stop that shit, Kay. Nobody’s buying what you’re selling (literally or figuratively).
However, I do feel differently about a few things.
Do any of you know the “PMC”? For the uninitiated, the PMC stands for Perfect Married Couple, and they’re the ones who never fight, spend every waking second telling each other how in love they are, and act as if EVERYDAY is Valentine’s Day?
Yeah, I don’t know a lot of those couples.
Wait, you know some PMCs? Really? Do they have children? As in young children who demand their attention every waking second of the day? That’s what I thought.
I’m not saying PMCs don’t exist, I’m just saying that I don’t see very many of them. MDW and I aren’t a Perfect Married Couple, and everyday is not Valentine’s Day to us. Hell, one night last week we made dinner, played with Little DDW, and passed out in bed without a kiss or an “I love you” simply because we were so damn exhausted from busting our asses at work and at home. On top of that, we argue about the typical things that most married couples argue about, and our lives revolve around doing whatever we can to give our daughter the best life possible while our relationship becomes secondary.
Does that mean that I don’t love her? Of course not. As parents, life just has a funny way of making adult romance more challenging, and that’s hardly a newsflash for any of us. Diaper changes, Dora The Explorer, potty training, Green Eggs & Ham, and the Daddy Dance are a lot of things – but “sexy” is not one of them. If there’s one positive thing about Valentine’s Day it’s that it serves as a reminder to set aside some time for our spouses to rekindle that feeling of “boyfriend and girlfriend” or “husband and wife” instead of dad and mom.
Here’s a picture of me and my wife while we were dating. Sometimes it’s good to have a reminder of what life was like before marriage and kids.
Drop your kids off with a family member for the evening so you and your spouse can enjoy some wild…um, “adult fun.”
Relive your first date.
Write a list of the reasons why you love your spouse and leave it in his/her pocket to read during the day (some may find this cheesy, but I don’t).
Single parents, don’t think for a second that I forgot about you. Use Valentine’s Day to show you some love too.
Write a list of the reasons why you love yourself (again, some may find this to be odd, but if you don’t celebrate the love you have for yourself, who else will?).
Hire a babysitter so you can enjoy a fun evening with your friends.
Or just take some time to lie in bed and watch some bad television.
As I mentioned earlier, if you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t need a proverbial fire lit under your relationship’s proverbial ass, then allow me to tip my hat to you. For the rest of us (myself included), let’s do whatever we can to keep that flame going whenever the hustle and bustle of parenthood gets in the way.
To me, Valentine’s Day will always be a lame corporate holiday designed to pressure people into buying expensive gifts for their loved ones, and this day should be ignored in terms of how it’s currently presented to us. However, now that I’m a parent, this “lame corporate holiday” only serves as a reminder that I should do the little things to consistently show the women in my life (namely, my wife, my daughter, and my mom) how much I love and appreciate everything they do for me as much as possible throughout the year. For that reason, I’m very thankful for February 14th.
The best part? Contrary to what traditional Valentine’s Day apologists will say, many times the greatest gifts of love don’t cost very much at all (and many times they’re free). I live in one of the most materialistic cities on the planet and I know that there are men and women here in Los Angeles who will break the bank on this holiday (or expect the bank to be broken for them). If you insist on doing something on the actual day, I hope you take this advice: Before you head into the flower shop or the chocolate store, think with a mom’s mindset or a dad’s mindset when coming up with a unique way to show your spouse how much you love him or her (or “you” if you’re single). Be creative, be fun, and be thoughtful.
That said, let me share a quick story with you:
When my twin brother and I were 10 years old, we took a walk into town the day prior to Valentine’s Day. We only had $5 between us and we really wanted to get our mom a gift. Then one of us (I don’t remember who) had the bright idea to go into a local candy store named “Sweeties” and buy a lollipop for her that was probably a foot long in diameter. On the wrapper in big, bold letters it read, THE BIGGEST SUCKER IN TOWN. Guess what? Over 25 years later, my mom still has that lollipop and said she plans to keep it for as long as she’s alive due to the gut-busting laughter she enjoyed when we proudly handed it to her (we weren’t trying to be funny, either. In the mind of two 10 year old boys, who the hell wouldn’t want the biggest sucker in the town?)
If you’re going to buy a gift, try to get the reaction that my mom had (and still has to this day). Heck, it only cost less than $5, but after all of this time she says it’s one of the best gifts she ever received. Editor’s Note: Mom, I know you’re reading this, and I hope you have a sense of pride knowing that your boys have come a long way since then……..right?
Happy Valentine’s Reminder-To-Love-Your-Spouse-or-Yourself-or-Your-Mama Day! Memo to the Non-PMCs out there (like me and MDW): If we can all find a way to remove ourselves from the parenting routine to do thoughtful things (big or small) to consistently demonstrate how much we love the people in our lives, then we’ll finally eliminate Valentine’s Day once and for all.
The next holiday on my hit list: Columbus Day.
DDW UPDATE:
Did you know that I just launched my new You Tube Channel? Feel free to check me out in live action, and if you’re digging it – subscribe and spread the word!
Here goes my second attempt… I responded on my iPhone but something went awry and the screen went blank
Sad face
I still love your DDW and will remain your FRDW but you and I couldn’t differ more on this topic if we tried!
I LOVE love LOVE Valentine’s Day! I’d shout it from the rooftops! I loved is as a kid in school, I loved it as a single woman, and most of all, I love it now most as a Mama and wife of 10 years!
My hubby works evenings so we usually don’t get to spend the actual holiday together which is okay – it’s the thought! Last year, my kiddos and I picked up a heart shaped pizza and drove the hour trek out to Great Gramma’s farm to surprise her with dinner and cookies made by them! This year, my 4 year old spent about 2 weeks making handmade Valentine’s for about 30 of her friends and family members and it was SO much fun delivering them and mailing them all over the world! At work, I usually bring in silly Valentine’s – a cartoon of some sort and leave them on everyone’s desk along with a chocolate to spread some cheer! This year, I asked my 4 year old what she would like to make for supper for Daddy when he gets home from work. I just love involving her in making it a special day. I want her to know that Valentine’s Day is an extra day to show just how much we love our family and friends! My husband usually makes me something like a poem, a slideshow of kiddo pics, writes me a song (he’s a musician) or the like. Yes, we exchange gifts sometimes, too – but it’s not the focal point and this year I didn’t buy him anything and it wont be an issue because the day is all out love – not things. My birthday is 7 days after Valentine’s Day so we usually do a supper out a week or two later or hubby will try some new recipes at home inspired just for me – something he wouldn’t normally try.
And… I have to admit, my house looks pretty cute right now decked out in pink and red hearts my preschooler has put EVERYWHERE and my baby likes to pull them off the windows so we get to decorate again every day
Happy Valentine’s RDW – Well, to those of you who LOVE it like me
Your Faithful RDW,
Kristin
OK I’m a total Valentine’s Day fan too and was through every stage of life even singlehood, although this was still a fun post.
I get that people don’t like the corporate side of it but I think it’s a fun holiday and I don’t worry about what corporation is making money off me whenever I do any other fun thing in our country (movies, coffee shops, bookstores, etc.) so I don’t worry about it with Valentine’s Day.
LOVED your story about your gift for your mom, DDW! That is classic!
My favorite memory of Valentine’s Day and the reason I love it is every Valentine’s Day growing up. My dad was an awesome dad and took great care of us throughout the year but Valentine’s Day was his excuse to buy us the most ridiculously huge mylar balloons he could find, candy, cards, and flowers, for my mom and us kids. To this day I still have every single one of those cards he gave me because he would write hand written notes about everything he loved about us kids. Our family wasn’t perfect but my dad sure knew how to celebrate us kids and let us know we were loved!
I love, love, LOVE this post! I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day either and I refuse to celebrate it. A corporate holiday that pushes love just seems crappy to me. And by the way, the story about your mom and your twin is hilarious! That sounds like something my son would do. Keep up the great work!!
PS – I also love your new YouTube channel. It’s great to put a voice to the words
Kristin- hat’s off to ya!! But you’re celebrating te love, so Valentine’s Day is going to be awesome! For many, however, it’s a downer. And regardless of how you feel, it IS a holiday created by greeting card companies. Just like with Mother’s Day (which started out as a civil rights demonstration for suffrage) any original meaning for Valentine’s Day is long gone.
I am ambivalent, really, and the idea that a diamond=love is so incredibly ludicrous to me I can’t even begin to put how I feel into words.
That said- rock on wit yo bad self! My husband and I are squishy-gooey “I love you!” types, and I have a 15 year old. We’ll see how that goes when I’m 8 months preggo and then a toddler mom, but everyday IS Valentine’s Day for me. I bust out those heart cookie cutters at all times of the year. Then again, it took me damn near 20 years to find him, so I’m extra grateful.
Keep rockin’ those heart shaped cookies Erin <3 And yes, I think EVERYDAY is when we should share our love of course!
And I love debating the origins of holidays! We could really spark a debate and talk about Easter and Christmas from a Pagan perspective – Bahahahahaha! Though, seriously – my favorite class in U was a Anthropology Religious course on holidays! It was wicked learning about the origins of so many so called mainstream holidays!
Hats off to you, too Erin!
Love this post. I feel the same way. Hate the commercialism of the holiday, but really like the idea of taking special time out to honor those you love. Thanks for the reminding us the thoughts behind the holiday mean more than what the commercials say.
Lynette recently posted..Random Acts of Kindness Week – Day 1
Okay so I’m not a big fan of Valentine’s Day, haven’t been for years. Mainly because my one ex ruined it for me by getting me the same thing every year. He would wait until the last minute and grab the last heart shaped box of chocolate left in the store and give it to me. You could tell it’d been sitting there for a while cause of the dust on it. I’ve always believed it’s not the present it’s the meaning behind the present. And what he was telling me was that you don’t mean enough for me to be thoughtful. So until I met my future hubby I was very anti-Valentines. But he celebrates the way I’ve always wanted to. Treats it like it’s just another day and we get each other goofy stuff.
Oh and Kay ya’ll need to stop that cause in my house every kiss begins with spaghetti.
Dee recently posted..Five Things
My husband and I have been together for 29 years now. We’ll celebrate the 29th year of marriage in June. The very first year, he came home with a dozen roses and I have made his favorite meal. He is currently a truck driver, so over the years, more often than not, we haven’t even been in the same state together, much less the same zip code. And that’s okay. The 14th of February has never been a day of enormous magnitude in our relationship. He and I try to “celebrate” just being together, because most of the time we aren’t. It is what it is (my FAVORITE wise saying).
So, I feel in some ways the same about it being a “corporate” sponsored day. I don’t consider it a “holiday” either.
I, also, feel a LOT like Kristin about sharing affection throughout the year. I like to do special things all year long to show my husband, and family how much I love them. Most of the time I totally forget about the day until the day of, or the day before. Even with all the stuff in the stores the moment you walk in, and all the commercials on TV.
When our girls were little, I LOVED making valentine’s with them, and decorating a shoe box for school. Some of those got quite elaborate, with fake gemstones, and lace, etc.
I guess, more than anything, I love the “idea” of Valentine’s day. And the idea in my head, is to celebrate those people in my life who are special, i.e. my hubby, girls (who are grown), grandchildren, siblings, parents, friends, etc.
This year, my hubby is north of Seattle, WA for his job, and won’t be home until, maybe next week. When he is home, we’ll try to go out to dinner or maybe just walking & window shopping, or just driving around looking at places we haven’t been before or haven’t been to in a while. To me, it’s not about getting a gift …. well, let me rephrase that. To me, the greatest gift is the gift of time spent together, because we have precious few of the days when we are together. And even better … just standing with our arms around each other, and my head laying on his chest.
BTW … Kristin – I’d LOVE to hear more about what you learned in your class. It sounds really interesting.
I couldn’t resist responding to this. I’ve been single most of my 62 years, including single-parenthood. Truthfully, as a day that celebrates the love between couples, its always been somewhat depressing for me, because I never found the “right one.”
I, too, hate how commercialized all holidays have become and am utterly dumb-founded by how much people feel they need to spend on weddings, too.
I do use Valentine’s day as one way to send my love to all the people who are important in my life. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive or time-consuming. It might be just a phone call. But it isn’t the only day I let those people know how much they mean to me . You can’t ignore anyone for 364 days and think they will really believe you, if you tell them you love them on Valentine’s Day. For that matter you can’t just tell people you love them, even though its appreciated. You have to put love into action with the things you do for people you love, even if that means doing things you don’t want to do. If you love a person, you actually do want to do those things for them.
It’s late and I’m rambling. I took care of any problem with Valentine’s day a long time ago. I got a very special gift for Valentine’s Day thirty-five years ago. That was the day I gave birth to my son. So I always have a very good reason to celebrate, be happy and count my blessings.
I loved your story about the sucker. My son was about 10, when he saw a mug in a thrift store and spent his own money to buy it for me. It said “Women belong everywhere” and he though that was a perfect gift for me. It wasn’t my birthday or Valentine’s day or any other special occasion. He just loved me. Fifty+ years later that mug still hangs in my kitchen and is my most treasured gift ever.