Vote 2012

Today an election will take place to determine who will lead a group of individuals for the foreseeable future. I don’t take my decision lightly. My vote is a powerful one that will impact and shape my family’s lives for years to come. Oh wait, you think I’m talking about President Obama, Governor Romney, or any other politician? Please. This is completely different. 

 

 

 

 

I’ve decided that I’m going to hold an election for a President of Stuffed Animals (POSA) in my household. Yes, you read that correctly.

Why?

I’m doing it for the same reason anyone does anything. Because I can. Let me be clear, stuffed animals are a big deal in this household. Little DDW has about 30 of them. They need direction, they need inspiration, they need leadership, they need…a POSA. This is not something that I just thought of overnight, either. Once I announced to the stuffed animals that this would happen, we held preliminary elections to determine the three finalists. After months of campaigning, here are the three POSA finalists.

 

FINALIST #1 – Weird Bird Thingy (WBT):

Argument For: He’s a strong-willed dude who marches to the beat of his own drummer and never follows the crowd. Do you think he’ll be easily swayed by others when it comes to leading the other stuffed animals in my house? Hell no. WBT has a ton of self-confidence, and that’s an important quality to have in our household.

Argument Against: I’m a little wary about voting for anyone who thinks it’s OK to run for office rocking this type of gear. He’s wearing a striped one-piece male bathing suit, a rubber ducky inner tube, goggles, and he has a fish in his front pocket. Would you trust your home security codes to someone like this?

 

FINALIST #2 – Happy Puppy:

Argument For: How can you not like this guy? He’s cute, lovable, sings great songs, and is running on a platform of educating the masses through music. Honestly, if you have a problem with “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” or “The Itsy Bitsy Spider,” you have a problem with yourself.

Argument Against: In recent weeks, the media released some shocking information about Happy Puppy – and according to some sources, he’s not nearly as cute and innocent as some may think. Other stuffed animals complained that he’d sneak into their room in the middle of the night and say, “I SEE YOU!” or “YOU’RE MY FRIEND!”  There’s something that’s not trustworthy about someone who would use such underhanded campaign tactics. Not to mention, that shit is creepy.

 

FINALIST #3 – Princess Hello Kitty:

Argument For: She’s the overwhelming favorite to win the first ever POSA election due to name recognition alone. She’s beautiful, smart, extremely wealthy, and she speaks from the heart (which explains why she doesn’t have a mouth). Not to mention, she’s the only candidate in the field with leadership experience…I’m mean, she’s a Princess after all. Leading a group of stuffed animals should be a piece of cake for her.

Argument Against: Depending on who you ask, she’s an insufferable diva. She demanded that I hire a professional photographer just to take the picture you’re looking at right now. Rumor has it that the only reason why she wants to be POSA is so she can become a regular contributor to my blog (or to kill me in my sleep and take over my blog for good). Editor’s Note: It would be a bad thing if Princess Hello Kitty took over my blog, right? Wait, don’t answer that. 

The debate:

 

A few weeks ago, we gathered the candidates together and held the one and only debate during the campaign. Dora The Explorer was kind enough to moderate the event, but it ended up being a total waste of time due to Swiper swiping the list of questions she was supposed to ask. Instead, she spent 90 minutes asking silly softball questions like what color the candidates preferred between verde and azul.

Since none of that shit is going to help me decide who to vote for during this important election, I decided to take action on my own.

You guessed it. I hired a Private Investigator to dig up some dirt on all three candidates. The results were eye-opening to say the least.

First off, is WBT. The guy claims to be happily married, but my Private Investigator took this shot of him canoodling next to a young blonde. And no – that young blonde is not his wife. The unnamed lady noticed that she was getting photographed and tried to put her right hand up as if to say, “NO PICTURES!” but to no avail. What happened to family values? Does anyone believe in that anymore? When asked about it, WBT just said, “Water is wet…and I like water.” To this day, I have no effing clue what he meant by that statement, and quite frankly, I don’t want to know.

Anyone check the weather report lately? Well, you don’t need to when Happy Puppy is at the club. This dude is all about making it rain non-stop. The worst part is that the Private Investigator caught him using taxpayer money (a.k.a. the Family Doin’ Work’s hard earned money) on strippers and booze. I’m not OK with this. I’m also not OK with him wearing sunglasses indoors like a douchebag. Stop that shit.

 

 

Last, but definitely not least is Princess Hello Kitty. She’s a card carrying member of the 1% club and has more money than everyone in the Doin’ Work household combined. After following her around for a few days, the Private Investigator caught her meeting with Elmo – another extremely wealthy member of the 1% club. What did they talk about? Elmo says that he was just giving her tips on how to become the most popular toy on the planet (something he knows a lot about), but others are saying that he’s just a rich scumbag who keeps feeding the Princess shady tips to buy the election. At this point, I don’t know what to believe.

 

That’s it.

This is what I have to choose from.

There are no “Write-In” candidates. You must pick one of these three.

Who would you choose from this list? Make your voices heard. The majority determines the winner.

 

Editor’s Note: Please save the Obama/Romney talk for someone else. Since I moderate comments, any opinions about the presidential election will not see the light of day on my blog. Carry on. 

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Comments

  1. Barb says

    Happy puppy is my vote. I am voting more on looks which is completely shallow I realize. I just could not vote for a member of the 1% club. The WBT is just to far out there for me.

  2. Shirlene Watson says

    I am voting for Happy Puppy. The WBT guy just doesn’t have enough experience for my taste. And Hello Kitty is a diva. I know Happy Puppy has what it takes to lead the stuffed animals & educate them. Yeah he likes to have a good time & maybe he took some dough, but I think he did it because of all the pressure of the election. You need someone in office who can let their ears down, so to speak. Maybe the stuffies can do work around the house to raise $ for parties. I think looking for loose change in the couches would help. So that is my vote. Happy Puppy for president or POSA.

  3. says

    What a genius! Brilliant post, got to say you’ve made it very difficult to choose ha ha, I’d say Princess Hello Kitty!

    Love reading your blog, keep at it!

  4. Wendy says

    Vote happy puppy if you care about the DW household! Don’t believe the spin ;). Super-funny post. I love the pics especially.

  5. Jackie says

    Since I don’t feel that personal lives have any bearing on what type of leader a person (or stuffed animal) has the potential to be, I would have to say my vote is for WBT. He had the least incriminating “dirt” to be dug up and I like that he is not easily swayed by the masses. Also, I think his outfit is pretty kick-ass

  6. says

    I can’t vote for Hello Kitty. She’s reckless with money, as evidenced by her numerous vacations to and from Japan, where she hosts parties with all the other exclusive Sanrio club members. And she’s friends with Elmo ? I’ve seen his show. Why does he talk to me like I’m a child ?? Rather belittling and unworthy of my vote.

    I can’t vote for WBT. He is cruel to animals (stuffing fish in his pockets and keeping them just out of reach of water). He also is probably very old fashioned when it comes to his politics, as evidenced by his choice of clothing. When was the last time a man wore a one piece bathing suit like this? The 20s ? And don’t get me started on the ducky floaties. What is he scared of ? Water ? HE’S A DUCK.

    This leaves Happy Puppy. Sure he likes to have a good time with the ladies and some drinks, but who doesn’t ? He values education and the arts, and wears his heart on his sleeve. He also seems to have a great understanding of body parts and how eyes should be protected even in the darkest of lighting (so stop picking on his sunglasses in the club), so he could be just what the Stuffed Animals are looking for when it comes to healthcare.
    Jackie recently posted..Vintage Liz Sport Cable Knit Sweater Shirt by RefabulousGiftsMy Profile

  7. Shandel Wells says

    Happy puppy is the cool cat…oops dog…who has my vote. he also happens to be my one year old sons favorite toy and he would be absolutely appalled if i did not put my vote in for him. Lastly, i think you holding this stuffed animal election is such a great learning experience for little DDW!!! great idea and one i will be stealing!

  8. says

    I completely vote for the cool Happy Puppy. Although the WBT would make an awesome vice president acting in ways that should help balance Happy Puppy out and maybe even calm him down a bit.

  9. Carol Dupont says

    Weird is good! And define canoodling? How do you know the duck is male? If so, is he in a committed relationship? So many questions! WBT gets my vote for its sense of WEIRD! :-)

  10. Kefsmom says

    Happy Puppy 2012! Have those club photos been aunthenticated? I think it’s a set-up by the Kitty Kampaign.

  11. Jamie says

    Princess Hello Kitty…she has ALWAYS been my favorite diva. Puppy needs too much help and has too many buttons and his singing is so annoying! and the bird? Where did he come from? Never seen him…don’t trust him.

  12. Rhonda says

    Happy Puppy all the way! He made my llil DDW happy many days and nights back in the day…before she wore him completely out to the point not even batteries could sustain him anymore. :)

  13. Mandy says

    WBT!!!! the happy puppy is SUPER creep in the middle of the night and hello kitty is a douche.

  14. Robin Caine says

    My vote is for Happy Puppy better than the rich princess or wbt I think the photos of happy puppy were faked and should be authenticated maybe it’s just princess hello kitty’s way of trying to rig the election :)

  15. Cassandra says

    Princess Hello Kitty has my vote after all we dont want someone that will spend your hard earned money, or a man that makes cheesy comments like water is wet I like wet. So my voPrincesste stands firm. Princess Hello Kitty for POSA

  16. Noelle says

    Happy Puppy, based on education alone. HK is too much of a diva and WBT \, well, I just don’t trust him!

  17. Sam Adams says

    Hello Kitty for POSA!! My 4 year old daughter agrees 100% after hearing (a slightly watered down version of) the facts.

    Does that count for 2 votes?

  18. Becky says

    Hello Kitty! All the way! I like some diversity! Being that she is the only woman candidate & has a Japanese heritage, making her a double minority! I’m always down for a change!
    Ps… I know who the blonde is with WBT, her name is My First Baby-doll… I’ll let you take it from there!
    Becky

  19. Dawnia says

    WBT for POSA because I don’t read research and don’t want my mind clouded with pesky facts. I usually pick the candidate with the best hair but in this case I was swayed by his jaunty wave to the camera.

  20. Carol F says

    WBT. While I feel highly confident in Hello Kitty and Happy Puppy’s contingency plans and their respective chains of succession should one of them face an early demise, Hello Puppy’s track record in vehicles of extreme annoyingness (expose at http://crappypictures.com/thank-you-for-the-fisher-price-dog/) disqualifies him for long term office. Hello Kitty is too capricious – she might be stolen and never bother coming back, she’s so popular. WBT has the loyalty to stay with your household even when times get tough. Also, as my own toddler will attest, birds are cooler than cats and dogs. They fly. WBT is clearly comfortable in the water too, so he can do land, sea, and air. Kitty and Puppy ain’t got NOTHING on WBT!

  21. Tessa says

    My vote goes for the puppy, my girls have forbidden me from going near hello kitty, on pain of them both throwing a major hissy fit together, a teenager and a pre-teen’s hissy fits are not a pretty sight, singularly they can make the brattiest of bratty seem like an angel, together is just too scary to think about :( Anyway the puppy is cute, although I do think they might all be a little inexperienced what’s wrong with snoopy? Age does have some benefits :)

  22. Julie says

    Wait! Aren’t they all naturalized citizens? What is the rule in SA land?

    If that is not an issue, then WBT has my vote – I’m always for the underduck!

  23. Ashley says

    We are big supporters for Hello Kitty in my household. So definitely sticking with her!!

  24. SheriV says

    Happy Puppy! He has the ability to make anyone his friend and he’ll keep a great eye on the others while asking them to hug him. :)

  25. Nicole says

    Love your post! Definitely took my mind off of some other silliness I have to do today, so for that I thank you :)
    As for my vote; I would, hands down, vote for WBT. In my opinion, I think he will bring uniqueness to the Stuffy society and he is a creative thinker and charming in his own right. So I vote YES for WBT!!!

  26. Jessica says

    My vote is for Happy Puppy. He seems like he’s pretty moderate. A “to each his own” kind of candidate.

    And thanks for the break from the non-stop political nonsense on FB!

  27. Kathleen says

    Princess Hello Kitty. She has proven leadership ability. And the ability to work with others, even if she is a bit of a diva.

  28. Kayla says

    I have to pick Happy Puppy. He was The Car Toy for my boy for a long time, which made him extremely important. Plus, he has an off button. Score one for parents everywhere!

  29. says

    Happy Puppy FTW. “Makin’ it rain” = redistribution of wealth. “Strippers and booze” = Supporting women’s employment, and helping unique American brands (such as Mike’s).

    Spin spin spin spin spin. :)
    Brent Sieckman recently posted..MANstachesMy Profile

  30. Rebecca says

    My son loves Happy Puppy, so she (I always thought she was a girl) gets my vote! Plus the bird thing freaks me out, and I’m not a Hello Kitty fan.

    Amber (you know, of Crappy Pictures) did a post last December on the Happy Puppy. I swore not to buy it for my son for Christmas, but someone beat me to it (not my husband). I actually don’t mind it. Someone put in the comments, though, that she was getting frisky with her husband on the couch once, and it got set off and said, “Sooooo big!” (The link is http://crappypictures.com/thank-you-for-the-fisher-price-dog/)

    So Happy Puppy clearly has a sense of humor. Also, everyone seems to have a Happy Puppy, which means that stuffed animals will be well-represented by their President all across America.

  31. says

    WBT! Clearly he is comfortable with who he is. And someone like that will have no problem telling it like it is and getting stuff done.

    Happy Puppy is just a little too creepishly happy. No one is THAT happy all the time…

    And Hello Kitty is more concerned with status than anything else, why else would she call herself “Princess?”

    So my vote goes to WBT!! GO WEIRD BIRD THINGY’s EVERYWHERE!!!!

  32. Erika says

    While I was reading this, my two year old daughter walked by the computer and went crazy about the pictures! She totally voted for the Princess, until…. I scrolled down and she saw the puppy with the “cool glasses and dollars”! And although princesses rule in this household, my vote is for HAPPY PUPPY!! He can teach you alot!

  33. Beth says

    Love the post. Woke up my son, who was napping on my chest, because i was laughing so hard.

    My vote has to go to happy puppy. Only because his platform is education, and what’s a stuffed animal society without education. And you never know, he may have had an eye appointment earlier in the day and had his eyes dilated, hence the sunglasses to protect his eyes.

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